Overwhelmed

If there were one word that could describe life right now, that would be the word.

The last few weeks have been unreal, but as usual, God always seems to save the day.

Mr. Henderson and I have been busting our butts to make this trip to Omaha happen. I am not going to go into all the details and bore you, but we have made a lot of changes in our life to try and get a visit with someone who would actually help figure out what is going on with us.

We thought that everything was all lined up and ready to go. And then Saturday's mail brought a nice surprise...A letter from my insurance company saying that they were denying our request for surgery (the hospital should have been 100% covered by insurance and after a HUGE payment to Dr. H, insurance was going to pick up the rest). We felt like we had been slapped across the face.

We spoke with the Insurance Nurse at PPVI today and she is filing an appeal, so if my prayer buddy would keep me in her prayers, I would be most grateful.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or has anyone else had to pay 100% of surgery cost? If so, what was the total (please whisper gently to me!) cost?

BUT, you know what, God has provided us with so, so much. We are surrounded by so many people who love us and support us. I can't even begin to tell you how humbled and blessed we have been by people's generosity to us. People from my family, my parish community, even people I don't know are praying for us and have generously donated to helping us build our family. I cannot think about it without bursting into tears.

There are so many people helping us to carry this heavy, heavy cross, and for that I am so grateful.

Our prayer has been that the Lord would make our testimony a joyful one and I trust that He will do that!

So, while I started this week overwhelmed and discouraged, I have quickly become humbly overwhelmed by the generosity of others and so very, very thankful.

Last Call!

Last call to sign up for a Prayer Buddy!

Please email me at thehendersonstory@gmail.com by tomorrow morning if you want in....it is gonna be AWESOME!
I love being able to pray for someone else, instead of boo-hooing about myself! I can't wait!

Hope you are all enjoying your Saturday. I know me and my kickin' farmer's tan are loving.every.second of it!

And then it hits you upside the face...

You know, the reality of where things really do stand.

Like, when you are cleaning out your email inbox and you realize just how long this baby-trying thing has gone on...three and a half years or 6,671 messages long.
Day after day of messages from my unbelievably supportive husband, telling me that- yes, I can make it through another day.

Here's to hoping that this year brings more baby pictures in the sent box then in the inbox. That would be nice.

Ugh...some days it just hurts. It just really flippin' hurts.

Prayer Buddy time!

I have said it several times on this blog, but stumbling into our little blogging community has been one of the greatest gifts I have received throughout the last 3.5 years of heartache.

It was during one of the lowest points of this journey, when I was just about ready to abandon my faith in my quest to build a family (not literally, but I was incredibly confused and distraught), that I sat down one day at the computer and typed Catholic Infertility Blogs into the Goo.gle search bar. Little did I know that this search would put my husband and I on a journey that would finally be flooded with hope. Through these blogs I have found new friends, new perspectives, and new faith in God's plan for us.

One of the things I love about this community is the way in which we pray together- for each other and with each other. I love that this little group of believers is living as the earliest Christians did - in community with each other.

Each of us has our own unique cross to bear. But, despite our differences, what we have in common is that we carry our crosses together.

God has worked some incredible miracles in our little blogosphere, and many took place during or soon after a Prayer Buddy season. I have no doubt that He will continue to work wonders during this upcoming Prayer Buddy season.

Participating in this prayer partner swap has been a great way for me to turn my suffering away from myself, and instead focus my energy on blessing someone else, who is also experiencing brokenness. In praying for others, I have received a peace that is hard to explain, but oh so wonderful.

So, I totally recommend signing up. You don't have to have a blog. You don't even have to be infertile. You just have to be open to prayer and willing!

If you are interested (and I know some of my peeps are!), Here you go:

• E-mail me at thehendersonstory@gmail.com to sign-up. 

• All participants must send an e-mail, this includes both new and past prayer buddies. 
• New participants - please see the note at the bottom.  
• If you have participated before, we just need your e-mail, we have all your other information from previous sign-ups (unless something has changed that you need to let us know about). 
• Please share any prayer intentions in your sign-up e-mail if you would like (optional) and we will pass them onto your prayer buddy.
• Deadline to sign-up is Saturday, August 6th. 
• Someone will contact you with your assigned prayer buddy by Wed. August 10th. 

• How you pray for your buddy - that is completely up to you! 

• Please notify the person you were praying for on Sept 29th, or shortly thereafter.  Everyone wants to know who has been praying for them!  

Please, please, please don't forget to notify your prayer buddy after the prayer buddy session ends and let them know that you prayed for them. As we have long said, gifts for your prayer buddy are optional, but we do want you to reach out to your fellow blogger / non-blogger and let them know who was praying for them. For the last couple of sessions there have been a few bloggers that ended up not knowing who prayed for them. We can provide that information at the end, but it is always nicer if the prayer buddy reached out themselves.

• NEW PARTICIPANTS (Bloggers and Non-Bloggers)!  Please provide your real name (just your 1st name is okay too), mailing address, blog name, and any intentions you would like to include.  If you do not have a blog, that is fine, just please provide your name, your mailing address, intentions and indicate that you do not have a blog (so there is no confusion and we match you with another non-blogger.)  Bloggers will continue to be matched with bloggers and non-bloggers will be matched with non-bloggers.  Mailing addresses for everyone are OPTIONAL.  Some prayer buddies like to send a little something at the end of the prayer buddy session, but it is not mandatory. If you don't want to send anything, you don't have to. Mrs. Henderson and I will not share the mailing addresses with others, except for your assigned prayer buddy. 

• Questions - please let me (thehendersonstory@gmail.com) or Joy Beyond the Cross (gaudium08@gmail.com) know and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.  
• Remember - commenting doesn't sign you up, you have to email me!

Stagnant, no more.

The blog world seems so quiet these days! Where is everyone?
I know that I am guilty of a stagnant blog, so I gotta get with it!!

First off, thank you all for your prayers for my precious friend,C. I know the prayers are what carried her through last week and will continue to carry her through the upcoming months. My heart breaks for her- I can't even imagine.

Life in the south these days is H-O-T! Holy, moly...sweltering. If only one really could sweat their butt off...I would be in good shape!

As I said a few posts ago, I am not going back to teaching next year. This decision, made through a lot of thought and prayer, has brought me a lot of tears the last few weeks, especially as I think about all my co-workers going and getting their classrooms ready, but I know that it will all be for good. I will still be helping out with youth group each week, so I will still be connected into parish life.

I found a new job that has been wonderful to me, and most importantly, I get to work from home. This means that I can do my full hormone series next month (totally not doable for me as a teacher!) and head out to Omaha for surgery with Dr. H in the fall! I am still praying that all the money falls into place. I will save that topic for another post.

So the twist to all of this, I am actually going to head to Omaha in October and go through the first phase of the Practitioner program. My plan is to get certified to become a Creighton Practitioner for my deanery here (we currently only have one Practitioner) and be able to bring this amazing tool back to other women in our area. I am excited to see where God leads me with all of this. I am hoping that my cross has lead me down this path to bring other people hope (and possibly a baby or ten for me?).

So, how about you all? Are you all alive? I miss you guys!

Prayers, please!

I know that it has been over a month since I have been on here, but I am here begging for your prayers tonight.

If you have a few extra prayers tonight and tomorrow morning, would you mind offering them for my dear friend, C?

C, a dear friend and college roommate, lost her twin daughters this past week. Baby B passed away a few weeks ago at 16 weeks and Baby A passed away this past week at 20 weeks.
For the fourth time in a year, she will have to deliver a precious baby that she will not be able to take home. Please pray for C, T, and their 3 sweet children during this time.
My heart hurts so badly for them. I can not even imagine.

I am asking for St. Catherine of Sweden, patron saint of miscarriage prevention, to intercede on their behalf.

Please pray with me.

Tap, Tap, Tap...Anyone still there?

Howdy, howdy!

Wow, life has been incredibly busy the last few weeks. I have had a few of my beloved friends from this awesome blogging world check in on me to make sure I was alive...I feel awful about it. I am still here!

What have I been up to you ask?

Well, I am all finished with teaching. I am sad that I won't be returning next year, but God apparently has different plans. I have had several people wonder if I wasn't going back to teaching because I am pregnant...Nein, na, nari, no...infertility leave, not maternity leave. But, God opened all the right doors for me to take some time to get to the bottom of what is going on with my fertility. I know He hasn't brought us this far to abandon us!

The very end of May was ca-razy.busy. I will let pictures tell the story.

I threw two bridal showers:

Helped marry off my baby brother:

Remodeled my office (Pretty proud of my handmade curtains and it's even complete with shelves and a desk built by my very handsome and handy husband). I will have to post pictures later of it all finished up, but for now:

Spent a much needed week in the mountains with my entire family and yes, we all got along! The highlight of the trip was meeting my nephew, M, for the first time- totally.in.love:

So, there is my life in a nutshell. 

I am sorry for the silence on the writing and commenting...I am back and I am excited to catch up with everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well! 

Happy, Happy Day!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful sister, Rachel.

 

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter, he who finds one finds a treasure."

Sirach 6:14

You are a treasure to us all and have been a sturdy shelter during some of life's roughest storms. 

Thank you for the example you are of a faithful friend, a loving wife, a selfless mother, a devoted daughter, and the world's best oldest sister.

I love you and I hope this year is filled with more wonderful blessings than your precious heart can handle!

 

Still Alive...kinda.

I am coming out from my silent corner of the blogosphere to say hello!

We are still alive in the Henderson household.

Life has been incredibly hectic around here the last few weeks. Something had to give, so blogging was it.

In the last two weeks alone, I have given six exams, graded those exams, entered grades, printed report cards, thrown Bridal shower #1 (which needs a post of its own-so fun!),  had 8th grade graduation, thrown bridal shower #2, had my end of the year faculty party, finished my year of teaching, set up for my brother's rehearsal dinner, help get my baby brother married off, closed out my classroom for the year, and now I am packing my bags and heading to the mountains with my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews! To say I can not wait would be an understatement!

The last few weeks have been filled with a range of emotions. I am actually not going back to teaching next year, which has left me with a flood of heartache that I did not expect. No, I am not pregnant. But, some special people need to see the doctor to help build a family and well, teaching isn't conducive to doctor's appointments several times a month. I guess I am just heartbroken- I just expected to be one of the people who get to take maternity leave and hang out at home with their special little blessing, not someone who has to quit their job to work towards that blessing. So, I am taking a leap of faith and hoping that God will honor it. Oh please, Lord...please.

So, I am off for the week. Hopefully a week with the family will help me come back renewed in spirit and renewed in hope, and let me tell you- hope is something I am desperately needing right about now.

You can't make this stuff up...

Y'all...Look what I just found stuck smack-dab on the front of my shirt this morning at work!!
I taught all morning long and I don't think any of my students saw it (They didn't say anything...and let's be honest- If they think it, they say it!). I went to eat my lunch...looked down...O.M.G!! Mortifying!!!! But, Oh.SO.FUNNY!!

I needed a good laugh.

A Greater "Yes"

I actually wrote this post last fall, but I wanted to repost it because my heart needed the reminder. I was telling a friend last night that I might seem like I am holding it together, most days I am not. I usually don't post on my worst days because, let's be honest- it is nasty! So today, as my anxiety levels are beginning to rise and my hope is continuing to wane, I needed a reminder that God does have a plan. I don't understand it, to be honest- I don't even like it right now, but I have to trust that He has one.

Three and a half years ago, on a beautiful winter afternoon, my dad walked me down the aisle to give me away to the man who captured my heart. On that day, we stood before our family and friends and made a covenant with God and each other that we would walk with each other "in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health".

I distinctly recall the moment that we were asked if we would "accept children lovingly from God". My answer came in the form of a little chuckle, barely getting out the "We Do."

I remember having two thoughts at that moment. First, that this was the beginning of what I had always dreamed of in life. The beginning of my precious family- me, my husband, and my multitude of children. I remember thinking that I was finally at that place that I had always felt created to be- a wife and then a mother.  My second thought was "Lord, please send them (children) slow and steady! We don't want them all at one time!"

Oh, to have the moment back. Oh, to not have been so naive as to think that it would just happen like that.

I never imagined that this would be my path. Our path.

I adore my husband. He walks this path right next to me, and he does so heroically. This is our path. Together.

I assumed that the first three years of our marriage would be filled with crying children, I just never assumed that the crying child would be me. I assumed that I would be kept up at night tending to a child that needed its mother, I never assumed that I would be the one who spent my evenings crying out to my Father.

It's funny how infertility affects you. I used to go to weddings and be in awe of the love of the couple, the beauty of the dress, the amazement of the covenant. Oh, how this has changed me. I participated in the wedding of one of my dearest friends last summer, and spent the entire time praying for one thing: their fertility. I begged God, with tears in my eyes, that He would spare them the pain I've felt for the past three and a half years, that their hearts would never ache because of the emptiness that infertility brings. Last month, I got to hold their answer to my prayer on their wedding day in my arms. I held a tangible reminder that God, does in fact, answer prayers and I am waiting with expectant hope for the day I can hold my own baby in my arms- the answer to the prayers so many have lifted up for us. (Here is a shameless plug: Pray for your local infertiles!)

I have faith that infertility will not be my life forever. That one day my months will no longer be counted in cycle days and baby shower announcements won't induce a raging panic attack. I have faith that one day baby bumps will not send me into a deep dark hole and that friends will no longer avoid you for fear of you dropping the "I" bomb and discussing how badly your heart is breaking. That one day people discussing how they would like to try for number __ won't leave me feeling like I need to ask for an oxygen mask. No, I do not believe that this will be life forever. This is just a season.
I believe that God's "no" to me and my husband means that He has a greater "yes" for us right now. 
A greater "yes"- Can you imagine?

My Achy, Breaky Heart

It hurts- so badly.

I don't know how much more it can take.

This was not my Easter and once again I am left in the waiting crowd.

You know how there is always that wailing child in Mass, right when it gets quiet (Don't get me wrong- I pray for my ears to be filled with the sound of my screaming babies!)? Yeah, that's me. Looking about like this...

(Thanks, Google Images. You hit the nail on the head!)

Prayers for Sweet Isa **Updated**

If you have a minute this morning, would you join me in prayer for my precious niece, Isabel?

She is going in for surgery to place tubes in her sweet, little ears at 10am EST.

Prayers for an easy and quick procedure and recovery (as well as for peace for her Momma!) would be most appreciated!

Thank you, thank you!

UPDATE: Sweet Isa (yes, we call her that in real life!) did GREAT! Her surgery seemed to be a success, though she will now be finding out for the first time exactly what life with five big brothers sounds like!
Thank you again for all of your prayers!

Response from Dr. Hilgers!

It has only been three weeks and I already have my response from Dr. Hilgers! I was shoc.ked. At first I was nervous that I wasn't charting properly and that I would open it, only to find- "Sorry, try again."


So, the letter gave a lengthy list of possible issues and an even lengthier (is that even a word?) list of tests/procedures that I need to have run. I know that many of you have received letters just like this, so please give me your thoughts.


Where do I even begin? HELP! You old NaPro pros- please give me some advice.


I am going to call the office today and talk to one of his nurses, but I thought you guys might be able to give me more insight.


Do I start running tests here in my hometown? Do I do everything there? How much does it cost overall? I know that they don't accept our insurance, so how does that work? Everything out of pocket ?...eek.


Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Now, if I could just find someone who is independently wealthy to help us foot the bill, we would be good! Do you think it would be tacky to have a bake sale? (obviously I am joking!...kinda)




Happy Easter Tuesday to you all!


And, a very Happy Birthday to my Mr. H- I am so lucky to have you!