I apologize to my four readers for being MIA the last week and a half.
My life is crazy right now!
I wanted my next posted to be non-IF related, but that seems to be my life right now.
I am so tired- so very, very tired of worrying and being heartbroken. I am so exhausted from living in fear that this will be my life forever. I feel like my head is being held underwater and I can’t come up for air. I feel like I can’t scream loud enough, hit hard enough, punch a whole in the wall big enough to express my heart right now.
It hurts- so badly.
But- I am putting my big girl pants on and I am going to deal with it.
I am about to do another round of medications (clo.mid, foll.istim, and h.CG) and intense monitoring to see if I can grow some good eggs. And then I will wait and see if it was a total waste of $1000+. I am so hoping that it won’t be. I can’t believe that people can actually get pregnant for free- that must be amazing.
I have to have hope. I don’t know if there is any left in me, but I have to muster up what I can find. My mom tells me that she has enough for both of us, so I guess that will do.
I am sorry for the downer post. Tomorrow I will post pictures of my bedroom makeover and the cute little jumpers that I was hired to sew for some friends!
Don't feel bad about letting your emotions out! This is your space! :) I have hope for you, and I am sending some your way. You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteAlways express what is on your heart here! We are here to listen! Plus, you wouldn't be the only one doing that (ummm, have you read my blog in September...could someone be more depressing??)
ReplyDeleteI'm excited and hopeful for you! I'm actually thinking of actually doing some medications and monitoring this coming cycle as well. Who knows, maybe this can be "our" month! I know all about being afraid to hope and wanting to guard your heart. Remember, perfect love casts out all fear! The Lord is with you!
Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI love love love when you said:
ReplyDelete"I can’t believe that people can actually get pregnant for free- that must be amazing."
I feel that way a lot. Although we have spent less than $2K on medical treatments, we have spent a lot on adoption fees.
Imagine...getting married, getting pregnant, and having a healthy baby 9 months later. This happens to a lot (most) of the people I know and a lot (most) of them take it for granted!
When you told me you had a blog I decided to check it out. I figure it is better to come clean than lurk. I will be praying for you on your journey and offering up mortifications for your intentions!! And the book I was telling you about can be found at http://ccli.org/productsservices/other-books/fertility-cycles-nutrition.php
ReplyDeleteAnd at the risk of wearing out my welcome let me share with you one of my favorite prayers:
"Lord into your hands I abandon the past, the present, and the future; not much and a lot; the little and the big; the temporal and the eternal."
MW
Love you girl! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSending buckets of hope to you!!
ReplyDelete