A Grateful and Thankful Heart...

...I know that is the key to happiness.

This morning, Mr. Henderson and I attended a Thanksgiving Day Mass, and the priest said something that hit both of us in the gut:

"The seeds of despair cannot take root in a heart of gratitude."

We have so much to be thankful for- so very, very much, and the seeds of despair have no place in this heart of mine.

I am so thankful for the gift of my salvation, and for God who loves me more than I could ever imagine. I am a whiny and ungrateful being at times, yet He loves me fiercely and provides for my every need. I am so excited about entering into this Advent season and celebrating His birth!

I am thankful for a husband who loves me and makes me feel like I am the most amazing and beautiful woman in the world. Even though I tend to feel like I have failed him in so many ways, he has never once made me feel like I am broken. He is one of the most compassionate and gentle individuals I have ever met, and I truly feel like I am the luckiest lady in the world. 

I am thankful for my family. I couldn't have been born to a more amazing mother and father. They have given me seven of the best friends a girl could dream of. I am so grateful for my mom and oldest sister, both of whom love me through my pathetic, tear-filled texts asking them if I will ever be a mother. I am grateful for the way they walk with us on this journey- allowing me to open up my heart whenever I need and never treating me as though my broken heart cramps their style. Not only am I blessed with an amazing birth family, but I married into a wonderful family as well. My cup overfloweth.

I am grateful for life. I am grateful for my parents' openness to life (I am #6), I am grateful for my husband's parents being open to life and raising him to be such an incredible man, and I am grateful for God being so generous with life to my family- we are so blessed by our nieces and nephews, and my heart fills so full of love for them that at times I think it might bust. This next year will bring so much new life for our two families- new babies that will increase the amount of love within our family walls.

And lastly, I am grateful for the gift of my infertility today. I am grateful for all of the lessons it has taught me, for the friends that it has brought me (especially my blogging buddies- you girls are the best!), and for the blessings it has brought to my marriage. Some people might think that this is the most terrible cross in the world, and some days it feels like it is, but my husband and I are so grateful for all of the gifts it has brought to our marriage. Our trip to Omaha, which in and of itself was an incredible blessing, was like a second honeymoon (minus the two surgeries and all that went with those- ok...it was nice just being the two of us!). I know that Mr. H and I are not who we once were when we started this journey, and we also know that we aren't done becoming who God wants us to be- we are clinging to the promise that God is not done with our story.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

(P.s - I know I have been an AWFUL blogger lately. I needed to get my head on straight after the month-long trip to Omaha. I promise I will write this week about Omaha and catch you all up on my life! Please don't lose any sleep over it!!)

Thank you, Thank you!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers over the last few days! I feel so very blessed to be covered in prayer during this time.

Surgery went great! We have been praying from the very beginning that Dr. H would be able to help us gather answers for why we aren't conceiving, and God does not disappoint...right?!

This was my third surgery in three years, so I was sure that it was just another "thing" to check off our list. One more surgery to come out of and be told that "there was nothing unusal" going on inside of me.
In fact, I spent the morning of surgery telling each person that came and introduced themselves to us- "I am so sorry, but this is bound to be a really boring surgery. I don't think there is going to be anything to see inside of me!". Well, I lied to every one of those poor med students!

At our follow up appointment yesterday, we were informed that I need to go back in for more surgery. To be honest, I don't even care! I am just so relieved that there are reasons for what we have been walking through the last 3.5 years. I know that there are so many people who think my husband and I are crazy for doing what we are doing, but we have finally found a doctor who is finding real answers for us.

When I asked Dr. Hil.gers point blank "Do you think we will ever conceive?", He answered "I don't see why not! Once we get these issues taken care of and the right medicines on board, you shouldn't have any problems at all." To hear those words have been worth every penny we have saved, humility we have endured, every heartache we have lived though. Worth it all. (I mean, to know we are ACTUALLY pregnant will be amazing, but this works for now.)

So, on October 24th, I am going in for the real deal. I will be having the large amounts of endometriosis removed, a cyst on my left tube will be removed, each ovary will get a nice little wedge resection, and my nasty, little appendix will come out. I asked for a tummy tuck while I was in there- Dr. H said he didn't think I would want him doing that on me. Oh well, worth asking!

So thank you again for all of your prayers. I will probably be begging for more in another week. But for now, I just have to thank you all. I feel so blessed to have found this community of encouraging women!

Please know that I am praying for as many of you by name as I can remember. I have been offering up this time of recovery for all those woman carrying children (especially my SIL- woot, woot!!), for all those waiting to be matched for an adoption, and all of those women who are trying to find good doctors to help them find answers. And I am a wimp...so I have lots of prayers going up!


P.S- The Rosary that my sister posted the pic of yesterday was blessed by Pope Benedict XVI. As I was wheeled into the operating room, the sweet little nurse asked if I would like a Rosary in my hand, and when I woke up it was taped there. Too sweet. Memento #1 for the baby book!

Sweet JoJo Update

Hello faithful readers!

This is Mrs. Testosterhome cracking the code on Joanna's blog.

Joanna is out of surgery and doing great. Her hubby said they will meet with the doctor tomorrow to get a better understanding of what he found and where they need to go from here.

In the meantime, I am working on posting a beautiful picture Jo sent me -- doctors taped a rosary to her hand for surgery. The rosary was blessed by the Pope and while I'm not sure which Pope, we are waiting with expectant faith and hope for his intercession.

D- Day

Tomorrow is my surgery with Dr. H.

After nine months of saving, slaving, and praying, we are finally here. I am all excitement, no fear (ok...maybe a little...but I will live). It isn't the type of nine-month waiting I would like, but I know it is the next stop to get me there.

I spent last week going through Phase I of the Cr.MS Practitioner program, so I had no time to think about how very close I was to making it to this goal. On Sunday, after that week was over and I had a second to breathe, I couldn't help but choke up- over and over. Finally. We are here.

I am so incredibly grateful for all of the prayers, support, and encouragement this community has given me. I know that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you all. Please know that I will be offering up any pain or fear for all of you - especially for those women who are trying desperately to find good doctors to help them.

I am praying that tomorrow is the first day of a new, exciting chapter of our lives. A chapter in which are hearts are bursting with happiness and not breaking with heartache. One in which our mourning is turned into dancing, and our sorrow into joy.

If you have a prayer or two to spare tomorrow, I would be most grateful.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

First of all, I have to apologize for being so absent on the blogs lately. I have been so insanely busy- I often forget what day it is! I hope that once I am done class here in Omaha, that I will be able to get back to blogging and commenting.

I had the honor of praying for My Heart Exults during this season of prayer buddies!
I have been praying and fasting for her intentions and that the Lord would protect her and her precious baby, especially as she prepares for Baby Boy's arrival.
I, I will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer! It was a privilege to pray for you!

And I have to give a huge shout out to my prayer buddy, JellyBelly.
Girl, you have helped prayed miracles into my life that you wouldn't believe. I know that your prayers played a part in my husband and I have the opportunity to get to Omaha- when I (not he) thought it impossible (note: He is the saint...I am the saintmaker!). People have given so generously to us in so many ways, and have made the dream of getting to PPVI a reality.
We also found out as I was leaving for Omaha (I got her yesterday!), that our insurance company accepted our appeal letter. So, we only have to pay for PPVI and not for the hospital...such a miracle. That is another story for another time!
And on top of that, I got my bloodwork back from my hormone series and I am all kinda messed up (which I was totally praying for!). I don't doubt for a second that your prayers have contributed to the beginnings of answers for me and my sweet husband. Thank you from the bottom of my teeny, tiny, broken (and cautiously hopeful) heart.
Please know that I am praying for you as you prepare to make your trek out to the Institute. I will be behind you- praying for you and rooting for you!

Overwhelmed

If there were one word that could describe life right now, that would be the word.

The last few weeks have been unreal, but as usual, God always seems to save the day.

Mr. Henderson and I have been busting our butts to make this trip to Omaha happen. I am not going to go into all the details and bore you, but we have made a lot of changes in our life to try and get a visit with someone who would actually help figure out what is going on with us.

We thought that everything was all lined up and ready to go. And then Saturday's mail brought a nice surprise...A letter from my insurance company saying that they were denying our request for surgery (the hospital should have been 100% covered by insurance and after a HUGE payment to Dr. H, insurance was going to pick up the rest). We felt like we had been slapped across the face.

We spoke with the Insurance Nurse at PPVI today and she is filing an appeal, so if my prayer buddy would keep me in her prayers, I would be most grateful.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or has anyone else had to pay 100% of surgery cost? If so, what was the total (please whisper gently to me!) cost?

BUT, you know what, God has provided us with so, so much. We are surrounded by so many people who love us and support us. I can't even begin to tell you how humbled and blessed we have been by people's generosity to us. People from my family, my parish community, even people I don't know are praying for us and have generously donated to helping us build our family. I cannot think about it without bursting into tears.

There are so many people helping us to carry this heavy, heavy cross, and for that I am so grateful.

Our prayer has been that the Lord would make our testimony a joyful one and I trust that He will do that!

So, while I started this week overwhelmed and discouraged, I have quickly become humbly overwhelmed by the generosity of others and so very, very thankful.

Last Call!

Last call to sign up for a Prayer Buddy!

Please email me at thehendersonstory@gmail.com by tomorrow morning if you want in....it is gonna be AWESOME!
I love being able to pray for someone else, instead of boo-hooing about myself! I can't wait!

Hope you are all enjoying your Saturday. I know me and my kickin' farmer's tan are loving.every.second of it!

And then it hits you upside the face...

You know, the reality of where things really do stand.

Like, when you are cleaning out your email inbox and you realize just how long this baby-trying thing has gone on...three and a half years or 6,671 messages long.
Day after day of messages from my unbelievably supportive husband, telling me that- yes, I can make it through another day.

Here's to hoping that this year brings more baby pictures in the sent box then in the inbox. That would be nice.

Ugh...some days it just hurts. It just really flippin' hurts.

Prayer Buddy time!

I have said it several times on this blog, but stumbling into our little blogging community has been one of the greatest gifts I have received throughout the last 3.5 years of heartache.

It was during one of the lowest points of this journey, when I was just about ready to abandon my faith in my quest to build a family (not literally, but I was incredibly confused and distraught), that I sat down one day at the computer and typed Catholic Infertility Blogs into the Goo.gle search bar. Little did I know that this search would put my husband and I on a journey that would finally be flooded with hope. Through these blogs I have found new friends, new perspectives, and new faith in God's plan for us.

One of the things I love about this community is the way in which we pray together- for each other and with each other. I love that this little group of believers is living as the earliest Christians did - in community with each other.

Each of us has our own unique cross to bear. But, despite our differences, what we have in common is that we carry our crosses together.

God has worked some incredible miracles in our little blogosphere, and many took place during or soon after a Prayer Buddy season. I have no doubt that He will continue to work wonders during this upcoming Prayer Buddy season.

Participating in this prayer partner swap has been a great way for me to turn my suffering away from myself, and instead focus my energy on blessing someone else, who is also experiencing brokenness. In praying for others, I have received a peace that is hard to explain, but oh so wonderful.

So, I totally recommend signing up. You don't have to have a blog. You don't even have to be infertile. You just have to be open to prayer and willing!

If you are interested (and I know some of my peeps are!), Here you go:

• E-mail me at thehendersonstory@gmail.com to sign-up. 

• All participants must send an e-mail, this includes both new and past prayer buddies. 
• New participants - please see the note at the bottom.  
• If you have participated before, we just need your e-mail, we have all your other information from previous sign-ups (unless something has changed that you need to let us know about). 
• Please share any prayer intentions in your sign-up e-mail if you would like (optional) and we will pass them onto your prayer buddy.
• Deadline to sign-up is Saturday, August 6th. 
• Someone will contact you with your assigned prayer buddy by Wed. August 10th. 

• How you pray for your buddy - that is completely up to you! 

• Please notify the person you were praying for on Sept 29th, or shortly thereafter.  Everyone wants to know who has been praying for them!  

Please, please, please don't forget to notify your prayer buddy after the prayer buddy session ends and let them know that you prayed for them. As we have long said, gifts for your prayer buddy are optional, but we do want you to reach out to your fellow blogger / non-blogger and let them know who was praying for them. For the last couple of sessions there have been a few bloggers that ended up not knowing who prayed for them. We can provide that information at the end, but it is always nicer if the prayer buddy reached out themselves.

• NEW PARTICIPANTS (Bloggers and Non-Bloggers)!  Please provide your real name (just your 1st name is okay too), mailing address, blog name, and any intentions you would like to include.  If you do not have a blog, that is fine, just please provide your name, your mailing address, intentions and indicate that you do not have a blog (so there is no confusion and we match you with another non-blogger.)  Bloggers will continue to be matched with bloggers and non-bloggers will be matched with non-bloggers.  Mailing addresses for everyone are OPTIONAL.  Some prayer buddies like to send a little something at the end of the prayer buddy session, but it is not mandatory. If you don't want to send anything, you don't have to. Mrs. Henderson and I will not share the mailing addresses with others, except for your assigned prayer buddy. 

• Questions - please let me (thehendersonstory@gmail.com) or Joy Beyond the Cross (gaudium08@gmail.com) know and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.  
• Remember - commenting doesn't sign you up, you have to email me!

Stagnant, no more.

The blog world seems so quiet these days! Where is everyone?
I know that I am guilty of a stagnant blog, so I gotta get with it!!

First off, thank you all for your prayers for my precious friend,C. I know the prayers are what carried her through last week and will continue to carry her through the upcoming months. My heart breaks for her- I can't even imagine.

Life in the south these days is H-O-T! Holy, moly...sweltering. If only one really could sweat their butt off...I would be in good shape!

As I said a few posts ago, I am not going back to teaching next year. This decision, made through a lot of thought and prayer, has brought me a lot of tears the last few weeks, especially as I think about all my co-workers going and getting their classrooms ready, but I know that it will all be for good. I will still be helping out with youth group each week, so I will still be connected into parish life.

I found a new job that has been wonderful to me, and most importantly, I get to work from home. This means that I can do my full hormone series next month (totally not doable for me as a teacher!) and head out to Omaha for surgery with Dr. H in the fall! I am still praying that all the money falls into place. I will save that topic for another post.

So the twist to all of this, I am actually going to head to Omaha in October and go through the first phase of the Practitioner program. My plan is to get certified to become a Creighton Practitioner for my deanery here (we currently only have one Practitioner) and be able to bring this amazing tool back to other women in our area. I am excited to see where God leads me with all of this. I am hoping that my cross has lead me down this path to bring other people hope (and possibly a baby or ten for me?).

So, how about you all? Are you all alive? I miss you guys!

Prayers, please!

I know that it has been over a month since I have been on here, but I am here begging for your prayers tonight.

If you have a few extra prayers tonight and tomorrow morning, would you mind offering them for my dear friend, C?

C, a dear friend and college roommate, lost her twin daughters this past week. Baby B passed away a few weeks ago at 16 weeks and Baby A passed away this past week at 20 weeks.
For the fourth time in a year, she will have to deliver a precious baby that she will not be able to take home. Please pray for C, T, and their 3 sweet children during this time.
My heart hurts so badly for them. I can not even imagine.

I am asking for St. Catherine of Sweden, patron saint of miscarriage prevention, to intercede on their behalf.

Please pray with me.

Tap, Tap, Tap...Anyone still there?

Howdy, howdy!

Wow, life has been incredibly busy the last few weeks. I have had a few of my beloved friends from this awesome blogging world check in on me to make sure I was alive...I feel awful about it. I am still here!

What have I been up to you ask?

Well, I am all finished with teaching. I am sad that I won't be returning next year, but God apparently has different plans. I have had several people wonder if I wasn't going back to teaching because I am pregnant...Nein, na, nari, no...infertility leave, not maternity leave. But, God opened all the right doors for me to take some time to get to the bottom of what is going on with my fertility. I know He hasn't brought us this far to abandon us!

The very end of May was ca-razy.busy. I will let pictures tell the story.

I threw two bridal showers:

Helped marry off my baby brother:

Remodeled my office (Pretty proud of my handmade curtains and it's even complete with shelves and a desk built by my very handsome and handy husband). I will have to post pictures later of it all finished up, but for now:

Spent a much needed week in the mountains with my entire family and yes, we all got along! The highlight of the trip was meeting my nephew, M, for the first time- totally.in.love:

So, there is my life in a nutshell. 

I am sorry for the silence on the writing and commenting...I am back and I am excited to catch up with everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well! 

Happy, Happy Day!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful sister, Rachel.

 

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter, he who finds one finds a treasure."

Sirach 6:14

You are a treasure to us all and have been a sturdy shelter during some of life's roughest storms. 

Thank you for the example you are of a faithful friend, a loving wife, a selfless mother, a devoted daughter, and the world's best oldest sister.

I love you and I hope this year is filled with more wonderful blessings than your precious heart can handle!

 

Still Alive...kinda.

I am coming out from my silent corner of the blogosphere to say hello!

We are still alive in the Henderson household.

Life has been incredibly hectic around here the last few weeks. Something had to give, so blogging was it.

In the last two weeks alone, I have given six exams, graded those exams, entered grades, printed report cards, thrown Bridal shower #1 (which needs a post of its own-so fun!),  had 8th grade graduation, thrown bridal shower #2, had my end of the year faculty party, finished my year of teaching, set up for my brother's rehearsal dinner, help get my baby brother married off, closed out my classroom for the year, and now I am packing my bags and heading to the mountains with my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews! To say I can not wait would be an understatement!

The last few weeks have been filled with a range of emotions. I am actually not going back to teaching next year, which has left me with a flood of heartache that I did not expect. No, I am not pregnant. But, some special people need to see the doctor to help build a family and well, teaching isn't conducive to doctor's appointments several times a month. I guess I am just heartbroken- I just expected to be one of the people who get to take maternity leave and hang out at home with their special little blessing, not someone who has to quit their job to work towards that blessing. So, I am taking a leap of faith and hoping that God will honor it. Oh please, Lord...please.

So, I am off for the week. Hopefully a week with the family will help me come back renewed in spirit and renewed in hope, and let me tell you- hope is something I am desperately needing right about now.