Workin' on it

Not much happening here at the Henderson homestead.

The last week around here has been busy, but uneventful.

I am heading out on a roadtrip to AL with my sister this weekend. I am looking forward to my time with her and her precious daughter, I. I live for roadtrips! I used to love the drives back and forth to Ohio when I was in college and then back and forth to Miss.issippi during my early teaching days. There is something about driving in silence and thinking- I worked through many things on those long drives.

Speaking of working things out, I am really trying to sort through the heaviness/hardness/bitterness that infertility seems to have brought into my heart. I was talking to one of my best friends the other day and we were talking about accepting God's will in our lives. I guess I have long felt that to accept what He has given us is giving up on our dream. That if we accept it, He will think I actually want this! But I hate this cross- I don't really want to embrace this. I want to kick, scream, hit, anything that will cause Him to realize that I can't.do.this. That this is slowly killing me. But that will not change things. I know that God knows what He is doing- He has to.

I am honestly trying to move from the anger and confusion, to acceptance and peace. I am learning that there will be times in our spiritual walk that we will have to remind our hearts to praise him.

I walked down the altar to marry my husband (have I mentioned that I adore him? He is perfect!) to the song "How Great is our God" and I remember singing with a heart full of joy. I had waited for God to bring this man into my life. There were many days that I never thought that day would come.
In Adoration tonight, I realized that my heart still wants to sing that song, but I haven't allowed it to. That through my pain, the song of my heart should still be "How great is our God!". I am realizing that maybe, just maybe, this infertility crap really is a gift.
I am realizing that to sing God's praise feels really warm and fuzzy when things are all perfect, when I have everything I want. But, the key is to continue to sing his praises even when it storms.