Healing, Oh Sweet Healing

That is my daily prayer:

I beg for His healing mercy. I pray for all sorts of healing - to conceive with meds, to conceive without meds, to have a "surprise" pregnancy sometime in my life, to heal me of my desire to even be a mother - anything. I just pray to see some sort of healing in my life. Anything. Please.

Last night I attended a Eucharistic Healing Service at my parish. I attended this Healing Service for the first time two years ago, and I remember asking for prayers to conceive. I think this was around the time when I first began to think that maybe there was a problem.

This year, I went to the service fully aware that there is a problem. (I don't need anyone or anything to remind me of that - it consumes my mind on a minute by minute basis.)  I initially asked my husband to go for us. I couldn't bear the thought of going, expecting a miracle, only to show up the next year begging for the same thing. I couldn't bear the thought of November 2011 rolling around with me standing there, pleading, sounding like a broken record. I sometimes feel crazy for asking, over and over, for a child. (Isn't that the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results?)

So this year I went with a different prayer (okay...I still prayed for our miracle). This year I asked for prayers for all of you, who like me, are trying to build a family - whether you have been trying for a day or trying for a decade, whether you are trying for your first or for just one more. I believe in the power of prayer and especially the power of praying for each other.

Do I feel at times like God forgets to answer prayer intentions that involve me? Yes. But, I do believe that God is faithful. I believe that one day I will look back on these days and be able to see how much fruit was borne of this suffering. And that will be the sweetest healing of all.