Coming off of the retreat high...

In an effort to get out of my blogging rut, I wanted to post something...anything...to get me out of my funk. I realized that I really haven't posted much about my time in Omaha. I know that I could write out every little detail of every little procedure, but I figured that was boring. If you want that info, feel free to ask, but I won't force it upon you all!

Instead, I figured that I would share more about what God was doing with my heart during that time. I thought I would share an email I sent to a family member while I was out there.

I wish that I could say that my heart was still so peacful content, but I would be lying if I said it was. I kinda feel like I am coming off of the spiritual high of an incredible retreat. I am praying that God would renew me, because Lord knows that lately I feel like I am gasping for air.

I wanted to write you guys to share a little bit about what has been going on here in Omaha. I know that I am a talker, but I don't think that I always do an adequate job of verbalizing my feelings. A lot has been going on in my little heart, and I thought I would just share while I was being brave enough. (I might post part of this on my blog later on- don't judge me!).

I have realized over the last few weeks that this journey has been one that I, personally, needed in order to know the Lord.
I am a girl who wanted nothing more in life then to be a wife and a mother. I don't need a fancy car, the newest boots, the cutest house, the thinnest figure, or the largest bank account to be happy- I just wanted a loving husband and a houseful of children to adore. I definitely lucked out in the husband department (and the family department!), but not being able to have children was not in the cards for me.
I have realized lately that this is the path that I needed to walk for the Lord to draw me closer to Him. I wish this meant that I could just be all joy and happiness, all the time, but I know that isn't the case.

The last four weeks have been so very long and lonely, but the Lord has really done something special to my heart. My phone has not been ringing- at all. No one coming to the house. Nothing to clean (I really hate that!). No commitments in the evening. Nothing- I sit in the basement of someone else's home. The human contact that I have each day, is just two very gentle and humble people that have been Jesus to me in ways I can't explain. My daily outings have been Starbucks (No, I haven't changed that much!), Adoration, and Daily mass.

I am not saying this to sound sad or to sound like life back home is awful- that isn't the case at all!! But, I believe that the Lord needed to take this area of my life- the children I so desperately pray for- and use them to heal my heart. I believe that the Lord knew that this was one thing that I would travel across the country for, stay away from my husband and family (both of whom I adore) for weeks on end, and sit totally alone for. That these children were the thing that I was willing to be the MOST radical for, and I think the Lord wanted this time to ask me to give Him my broken, tired, ratty heart. I think that the Lord wanted to let these children play a role in getting me to heaven, before I ever knew their names or their precious faces.

I hope that Omaha is the place that brings healing and life to my womb, but I can tell you that I can already see that he is bringing healing and life to my fragile heart. He now holds the tiny pieces of my broken heart, and I trust that He knows how to put them back together. He is, after all, the great Healer.

Thank you, Pintrest.